I Finally Figured It Out

I had planned to write my 3rd assignment on my anxiety problem but instead of writing about something I hate, I decided to write about something I love. Here is an excerpt from my essay...

“It’s time to wake up! She’s going to come out of the hotel any second and you’re going to miss it! Let’s go,” I said as I burst into Kat’s room in the Lyons house. It was 5:15 in the morning and it was an extremely important day. Too important to waste away sleeping and Kat and Misty promised they would join me for this event two weeks ago when I had told them about it. I had gotten up at 4:45 and driven to their house to enjoy the day with them and they were still in bed. I called up the steps to Misty and she said she would be down soon but it wasn’t soon enough. They needed to be ready now or maybe I just needed to calm down a little.

Even though I had hardly slept the night before, I wasn’t even the slightest bit tired. It was Friday, April 29, 2011 and the Prince was getting married to a commoner. I could not contain my excitement. It was going to be a glorious day for England and a glorious day for me. I went into the living room and turned on CNN. Nothing too exciting was happening yet and the other girls were slowly making their way out of bed. I decided it was time to make the tea. I ran to the kitchen, heated up three cups of water and returned just as my friends had entered the living room.

“Hats on,” I said as I grabbed my large, black one with a giant, white flower on it. My hat is so big that it dips down in the front because it is too heavy to stay up on its own.  Misty, Kat, and I had bought “Royal Wedding” hats a few days before and it was finally time to wear them. We picked out the biggest, fanciest hats we could find. We needed to do this right. After all, this kind of thing doesn’t happen every day and we needed to make the most of it.Our 5:30 a.m. Royal Wedding party had started and the future princess was about to emerge and become part of the royal family. The girls and I placed our oversized, fancy hats on and we all sat down, sipping our tea, waiting for the moment when we would see the dress that the whole world was anticipating.

Everyone has that one thing that they can’t get enough of. For some it’s playing an instrument, traveling to a particular city, playing or watching a sport, drawing, painting, or even eating a certain type of food. Mine is a little different. It’s not a thing or a place. She’s a person and her name is Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge.

Christmas

With the holidays approaching, all I can think about is all of the family time that will be soon to come. Every year there is a family reunion and I am forced to go. I hardly know any of my extended family and usually stick close to my mother, aunt, and brother. My cousins never have to go so why do I?

My mother is still afraid of what her mother thinks. That's why. I can't get a tattoo because, "Nana wouldn't like that." My mother needs to stop worrying about what her mother is going to think of her because of my actions. I need to live my life and have my own experiences. If I want to get a tattoo, I should. If I want to skip extended family time, I should be able to.

Last Christmas, my Nana found out that I had been smoking cigarettes and it was a huge ordeal. There was a lot of crying involved and I felt a little bad about it but it obviously didn't affect me too much. Hopefully this Christmas, there won't be any surprises like that. Hopefully, everything goes smoothly and we'll be able to enjoy the holiday without anyone getting upset because of someone else's actions.

She leaned over to me and said, "When did you start smoking?"
All I could do was stare blankly back at her. How did she find out? My mother doesn't even know.
"A couple of months ago," I finally replied.
She didn't say anything after that. She just looked at me with shame and disappointment that made me feel terrible. I could see the tears swelling in her eyes. She got up and walked away. I had a terrible sinking feeling in my stomach and became upset with myself for letting my Nana find out my secret. I thought she was going to tell my mom but she never did. About 20 minutes after she confronted me, she pulled me aside.
"I want you to quit," she told me.
"Ok, Nana. I will," I lied.

*I feel like a terrible person after writing this.

The Silver Heels

Standing on the porch of my aunt’s log cabin in the woods, looking at all the guests under the large white tent, watching my mother marry someone other than my father on the steps of the house, all I can think about is going home and crawling into my bed. This baby blue, knee length dress is so itchy and heavy in the late summer sun. These silver heels are beginning to hurt my feet and I want to slip out of them. I decide against the idea and I keep telling myself this will all be over soon enough. I want to be inside the air conditioning. Who's idea was it to get married outside anyway? There are bugs everywhere. One just flew up my nose.

It is a very hot September 11^th and this is the last place I want to be. The sun is beating down on my face, neck, and arms as I am holding a small bouquet of flowers, ready to sneeze at any moment from their smell. My new step-sister is standing next to me, her hair short after just having chemo to treatment for Hodgkin’s disease. My little brother is across from me, so small compared to my thirty something new step-brothers next to him. My calf begins to crap but I can’t do anything about it. I just keep smiling through it all because too many people are watching me. I feel obligated to look happy as the photographer is snapping pictures of the ceremony. My sad face would not look good in the pristine photo album to come. 

As I hear my mother say “I do,” I realize that this is really happening. The minister pronounces the new couple and the guests applaud and begin to blow bubbles. One bubble comes near me and I reach out and pop it. As my mother approaches me she lifts her arms to hug me. I hug her back and then she asks me a question. “Are you happy, Erin?” I nod and she smiles. I decide to take a walk to the edge of the yard. When I get there, I take my heels off and throw them as far as I can into the shaded woods.

After standing at the edge of the woods for what seems like forever, I hear music coming from the reception tent. It's time to change out of this dress into more comfortable clothes so that I can try to enjoy the party. I walk up the the cabin and see my brother on the porch swing. 

"Where are you shoes?" he asks.

"I threw them into the woods."

"Why? Mom is going to be mad."

"I know," I say, "But... It doesn't matter. I don''t want them anymore," I say.

Tornado

The wind was blowing extremely hard and I could hear it whistling in my windows. Mom said the house was sturdy because it was made of bricks so the wind wouldn't knock it over which was a good thing because I was starting to get worried. I had never heard wind this loud and I could hear the trees struggling to stay upright.

Suddenly, there were flashing lights shining through my curtains. I jumped out of my bed and ran to the window to see what was happening. It was a fire truck followed by a couple police cars and there were men standing on top of the truck with a megaphone. There were also 7 police officers walking with the truck. I heard them say through the megaphone, "Tornado spotted north of town. Get to your basements."

I opened the door to my room and found my mom folding laundry across the hall.
"Mommy, they said there's a tornado outside and we should go to the basement," I told her.
"Oh, I'm sure it's nothing. Remember what I told you? Our house is sturdy. Go back to bed."

I hesitated but ran back to my room and jumped under the covers. I could not fall asleep. There was a tornado outside and my mommy did not listen to the firemen. I sat up in my bed and every time the wind gusted I put the covers over my head, waiting for the roof to disappear.

Luckily, the roof stayed on and the tornado stayed a few blocks away. There was no damage to our property but my mother's cousin could not say the same. She was in her kitchen when the tornado leveled her home. Luckily, she was not hurt and her family was safe in the basement.

However, I still wonder about my parent's decision to keep us on the top floor of the house when there was a tornado ripping through the town and the surrounding area. If it would have taken a turn, it would have destroyed the street that I live on and taken my house with it. Who knows what would have happened to me, my brother, and my parents.

Thanksgiving(s)

"Are you excited for the wedding," Meg asked me as I sat down on the couch in the living room.
"Which weekend is that?" I asked.
"It's Saturday, Dec. 3rd, silly," she replied.
"I guess so. I have a lot of work to do for school so I might be thinking about that the whole time," I replied.
"That's too bad. I'm going to get so drunk at the reception," she said.
I thought to myself, "Well that won't be different from any other day of the week."
Football is on the TV and I'm sick of it after one play. How can people watch this? It's so boring. Oh look. Another commercial. Surprise, surprise. I'm so hungry. I hope dinner is ready soon. They told me it would be done at 2 so I showed up at 1:30. But knowing my family, we won't eat until 3:30. I should have stayed home longer. This day is going to take forever. Three places to go and this is only the first one.

Thanksgiving is rough when you have divorced parents. Every year, it's always the same. Three Thanksgivings packed into one day. We already had one the Sunday before at my mom's mom, but that isn't enough. First, my younger brother and I go to our dad's for dinner and spend time with him and my step-mom's family. We stay and chat while after dinner and have dessert but then it's on to my step-sister's house, 30 minutes away, to see my mother who insists that we see her on Thanksgiving. I've tried to tell her countless times that it's no different than any other day but she doesn't let up. We have to be there.

I did not feel like spending time with my step-father that day. And of course, just as I suspected, politics came up and there was a heated argument between him and me.
"This Occupy bull-shit needs to stop. Those lazy hippies need to go get jobs," he tells me.
"Come on, Mike. They are there because they can't find jobs don't you get it? Oh, that's right. You're retired and all you do is golf all day at the club. You know there are people out there way less fortunate than you," I tell him.
"Don't tell me you're one of them! Donna, you need to talk some sense into this girl. She has everything all screwed up."
"Can I leave yet, mom?" I ask, "Cale and I have to get to Maria's and it's getting late."
"I suppose. It was so lovely seeing you. Make sure you say goodbye to your sister and the kids, and Mike, too," she tells me.

When we finally got to Maria's, it was time to relax. She isn't family but she feels like it, only there are no fights and it's always fun. I wish I could spend my entire Thanksgiving at the Sandor/McDonnell house but that will never happen.

Baby Girl

*Names have been changed.

It was a cold January day when Angie showed up unexpectedly. I could tell there was something different about her but I couldn't put my finger on it.
"I need to tell you something. It's kind of important," Angie told me seriously.
"What is it? Are you ok?" I asked.
"I'm... pregnant," she said.
"Are you sure? Who's the father?" I asked.
"Definitely. And you don't know him. I told him already and he said he doesn't want anything to do with it. But I'm going to keep it," she said.

Right now, Angie is sitting 2 feet from me, holding her 24 day-old baby girl, Marie. Both of them have fallen asleep after a long day and I have to take a picture because they both look adorable.

Back in January when Angie told me she was expecting, I didn't know what to think. Out of all of the people I hang out with, Angie was the last person I thought would have a baby, especially this young. At only 19 years old, she is young to have had one. But today, I can see that she is a great mom. I can see that she loves her baby girl unconditionally and she would do anything for her. I know that she will give her everything she can so the little girl will grow up with all of the comforts that Angie didn't have.

The baby girl is beautiful. Sometimes when they're still pretty fresh, they aren't that great to look at (if their not your own). But this one is different. She is perfect in every way. She has the cutest little nose and a lot of dark brown hair. And she is very good. She hardly ever cries and if she does, it's only for a few minutes.

Angie is a lot different now than she was in January when she told me her news. She is much calmer and more relaxed and she is very happy. Sometimes I could tell that she waas unhappy back in high school but she turned everything around. She has a great job, a nice house, and now she has a beautiful baby girl to come home to everyday. Even though Angie has to raise this baby by herself, she has a lot of great friends and family to help her out. I'm looking forward to watching this little girl grow up and I'm happy to be part of her life.