Christmas

With the holidays approaching, all I can think about is all of the family time that will be soon to come. Every year there is a family reunion and I am forced to go. I hardly know any of my extended family and usually stick close to my mother, aunt, and brother. My cousins never have to go so why do I?

My mother is still afraid of what her mother thinks. That's why. I can't get a tattoo because, "Nana wouldn't like that." My mother needs to stop worrying about what her mother is going to think of her because of my actions. I need to live my life and have my own experiences. If I want to get a tattoo, I should. If I want to skip extended family time, I should be able to.

Last Christmas, my Nana found out that I had been smoking cigarettes and it was a huge ordeal. There was a lot of crying involved and I felt a little bad about it but it obviously didn't affect me too much. Hopefully this Christmas, there won't be any surprises like that. Hopefully, everything goes smoothly and we'll be able to enjoy the holiday without anyone getting upset because of someone else's actions.

She leaned over to me and said, "When did you start smoking?"
All I could do was stare blankly back at her. How did she find out? My mother doesn't even know.
"A couple of months ago," I finally replied.
She didn't say anything after that. She just looked at me with shame and disappointment that made me feel terrible. I could see the tears swelling in her eyes. She got up and walked away. I had a terrible sinking feeling in my stomach and became upset with myself for letting my Nana find out my secret. I thought she was going to tell my mom but she never did. About 20 minutes after she confronted me, she pulled me aside.
"I want you to quit," she told me.
"Ok, Nana. I will," I lied.

*I feel like a terrible person after writing this.