Standing on the porch of my aunt’s log cabin in the woods, looking at all the guests under the large white tent, watching my mother marry someone other than my father on the steps of the house, all I can think about is going home and crawling into my bed. This baby blue, knee length dress is so itchy and heavy in the late summer sun. These silver heels are beginning to hurt my feet and I want to slip out of them. I decide against the idea and I keep telling myself this will all be over soon enough. I want to be inside the air conditioning. Who's idea was it to get married outside anyway? There are bugs everywhere. One just flew up my nose.
It is a very hot September 11th and this is the last place I want to be. The sun is beating down on my face, neck, and arms as I am holding a small bouquet of flowers, ready to sneeze at any moment from their smell. My new step-sister is standing next to me, her hair short after just having chemo to treatment for Hodgkin’s disease. My little brother is across from me, so small compared to my thirty something new step-brothers next to him. My calf begins to crap but I can’t do anything about it. I just keep smiling through it all because too many people are watching me. I feel obligated to look happy as the photographer is snapping pictures of the ceremony. My sad face would not look good in the pristine photo album to come.
As I hear my mother say “I do,” I realize that this is really happening. The minister pronounces the new couple and the guests applaud and begin to blow bubbles. One bubble comes near me and I reach out and pop it. As my mother approaches me she lifts her arms to hug me. I hug her back and then she asks me a question. “Are you happy, Erin ?” I nod and she smiles. I decide to take a walk to the edge of the yard. When I get there, I take my heels off and throw them as far as I can into the shaded woods.
After standing at the edge of the woods for what seems like forever, I hear music coming from the reception tent. It's time to change out of this dress into more comfortable clothes so that I can try to enjoy the party. I walk up the the cabin and see my brother on the porch swing.
"Where are you shoes?" he asks.
"I threw them into the woods."
"Why? Mom is going to be mad."
"I know," I say, "But... It doesn't matter. I don''t want them anymore," I say.
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